So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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