What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
