Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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