Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
