You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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