P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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