He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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