i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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