The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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