Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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