I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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