i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
