why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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