My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
