You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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