She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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