RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
