I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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