the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
