Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
