i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
