I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
