Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
