i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
