What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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