I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
wanna go halves on a baby?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
