I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
