Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
