dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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