"it" just moved
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
