I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
