So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
