On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
