Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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