i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
