As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
