Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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