I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
