Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
