"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
