Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
