found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Randomize
