New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
