dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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