So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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