Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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