Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
