Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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