splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
