just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
