I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize