Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
