he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
