I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
