Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
