Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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