john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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