Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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