he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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