She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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