I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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