had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
