So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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