i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
