Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
