if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
