I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
