how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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