So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
