Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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