i don't like sucking hair
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
