She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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