We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
