And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
