I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
