i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
